


can i get uhhh... destiel latte with an extra pump of stupid?

by berrysloot



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Castiel (Supernatural), Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Coffeeshop AU, Crack Fic, Destiel - Freeform, FOR LEGAL REASONS THIS IS A JOKE, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Top Dean Winchester, femboy, femboy starbucks, please be gentle i've never published fic before lol, sex but it's a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:33:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27830818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berrysloot/pseuds/berrysloot
Summary: cas and dean coffeeshop au. this is really all.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 21
Kudos: 38





	can i get uhhh... destiel latte with an extra pump of stupid?

“Name?”, Cas said, without looking up from the Grande cup he was writing on.  
“It’s Dean. Dean Winchester? Dude I’ve been in line for five minutes, how did you not know it was me?” Dean said, a bit dead behind the eyes, if we’re being real. It’s been a long 15 seasons for daddy’s little hunter.  
“It’s repression. I’ve learned to hide my gayness ever since I got sent to superhell for admitting my ever-present homosexual desire for you.” Cas looked up, the same deadness behind his eyes as Dean’s. It was a match made in heaven, literally.  
“Well, yeah, just write Dean on the cup, I guess. Do you, like, want to talk about what you said, or are we just going to ignore it and never see each other again?” Dean said, fidgeting with the unicorn cake pop he’d ordered. It was the only one left, and he wasn’t hungry enough for a sandwich. Plus, sandwiches were a little gay. Literally eating meat made by another man in a factory. Kinda gay.  
“I’m on my break in five minutes. Good thing about working for Starbucks in heaven is that we have really good benefits and they always give us breaks on time.” Cas finished making Dean’s coffee and took off his gay little apron. In heaven, every starbucks worker wore a little green maid outfit and everything. Truly indulgent. If we’re being honest, dean was a little turned on by it. He’d spent a lot of time on #boysinskirts tiktok right before being penetrated by a rusty bit of rebar.  
Cas sat down across from dean, eating his own little unicorn cake pop. “So, what did you wanna talk about again?”  
“Gay. Do you remember?”  
“Oh yeah, I’ve been clearly in love with you for eleven years, but I think eric Kripke and Robert Singer never really got the message I guess. Even though they wrote in all that subtext. Every last bit. Anyway, I’ve atoned for my sins in superhell. It took a while but I see the light. being gay is a disease.” Cas said, offering Dean a bite of his cake pop.  
Dean stared at him blankly. How could cas just get over him like this? There were other, more pressing questions he thought he should address first. “Is this always what heaven has been like? A…. femboy starbucks?”  
“Heaven is just what you want it to be, deem. It seems like you’re really feelin the maid skirt, huh? It’s your little slice of paradise, after all.” Cas said. Dean was mad now. He wasn’t gay or anything. But cas… did look pretty good right now.  
Dean looked at cas, a serious expression coming over his wrinkly old man face. “Cas…. would you ever…….. touch me?” dean said, getting quieter and quieter.  
“I mean dean, I touch you all the time. We’re friends!!! Just like brothers, right?!?!” Cas said, smiling.  
“No cas, I mean,,,, like…….. sexually. do you want to see my big hunter man peen? I figured you’d want to after, you know…. admitting your love to me like last week,” Dean said, looking down at his little combat boots.  
“Oh. I’d never really thought about it like that. I thought I said no homo after I told you I loved you and think about ur dumptruck at night sometimes.” Cas said, also looking down at his shoes, which were five-inch-tall patent leather peekaboo pumps.  
“Oh, yeah, you never did say no homo. Which is why I thought you might want me. Sexually,” Dean said.  
“Well. I guess we could try sometimes. But this is all there is in your heaven daen. it’s just a femboy starbucks. I don’t even think you imagined yourself a house. I mean, who does that? are you planning on sleeping in here or something?” Cas said, a judgemental little look on his gay little face.  
“Well, I never really thought about it I guess. You wanna fuck in the storage room or something?” Dean looked at cas, his eyes full of hope.  
“Yeah, whatever. I hope you’re a top. I’m a femboy now, you know. We never talked about who’s the top and who’s the bottom, but I think the writers meant for it to happen like this. I used to be all powerful but now I’m…. soft.” Cas said, taking off his maid outfit and his fake bazongas.  
“Yeah, whatever, I don’t really care. I just am in love with you a little bit. No homo, though.”  
Cas and dean went into the back and fucked on top of a box of caramel syrup. They cuddled in there for a little but said no homo enough times that it doesn’t count as homosexuality. They are in love, but in a cool, nonsexual way. Even if they do have sex sometimes.  
As the years pass, cas lets dean do the dirty enough times that he gets mpreg. They have the baby but like, as friends. They raise it together inside the femboy starbucks. Everything is great and they have sex all the time. No homo though.


End file.
